in my culture, circumcision happens when you are 14 your bisexual older sister or cool aunt comes home with some pirate captain who looks awesome as fuck but you know just as with all her other bouyfriends, you’ll never see him again so you want to learn everything you can from the Master of Smashing and Passing and he plays music songs with bad words that you’ve never heard and drives a 2-door sports car and then when your parents are asleep he lets you take a swig of the Pirate Juice and then you drink it and cough it out into a giant circumscribed orb of alcohol and sugar molecules and then the pirate captain says YEAH THATLL PUT SOME HAIR ON YOUR PUSSY and if you are girl, your hydra bursts inward giving you a medusa and if you are boy your hydra grows into a squid making you a dude and then the next morning your parents are like WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYTHING IN THE KITCHEN STICKY AND SMELL LIKE RUM? WHY IS THERE A GLOB OF RUM ON THE CEILING? and you go THANKS UNCLE HADES!!!!
and then sometimes, the 14 year old just wants to become an Uncle Hades
we have Gay Hades (Leather D’Haddies) and Christian Conservative St. Thaddeus and even some African Hades named Chad who are from… The Lake Chad Basin. They like to cross the Abyssinian sometimes too!
there is an Uncle Hades for Everyone
the first Uncle Hades was a giant octopus who opened up a clam shell that couldn’t queef, and it saves that species of clam, which evolved into modern primates’ genitalia before merging with some idiot fish that decided to ruin everything by evolving “land fins” aka legs
